There seems to be a huge disconnect in American women's minds when it comes to the realities of toddler nursing. I have to make the differentiation of saying women, because honestly, in Dakota and I's entire breastfeeding career, we have never received a strange look, a silly comment, or a raised eyebrow from any man.......ever. All of the questioning, opposition, and curiosity has come from women. And only women.

"The question" has become a very big part of our everyday lives.....

"Oh, you're still nursing her???" {completed by the obligatory saucer eyeballs}

This, I was prepared for. I knew since Dakota was just a tiny thing that I'd be allowing her to self-wean. It just seemed like the normal thing to do to me. Why would I force her to do something she wasn't ready to do? Children want to grow up. Children want to be independent. But they need to be allowed to do it on their own time. I think anything else is unhealthy; physically and psychologically.

Though I knew this question would begin to rear it's ugly head sooner or later, I really thought it would be later. It seemed like the minute she started walking, women started wondering why I was still nursing her.

But the biggest surprise has been the total lack of understanding of the entire subject. From what I've gathered, American women don't necessarily oppose toddler nursing, they just don't understand it.......at all. And this lack of understanding allows them to assimilate all kinds of falsehoods and misinformations that are pretty detrimental to the well-being of our society in general.

So, I'd like to take this opportunity to clear a few things up...

~Yes, I am still nursing her.

~No, I have no time limit assigned to the act.

~Yes, sometimes she bites me. This is not a gnawing, "I want to bite your nipple off" bite. It's more of a play bite, or boredom bite. I can usually forecast when one is coming and de-latch her before it happens.

~Very rarely, it happens without notice and I get bit. No, I have never bled.

~My nipples do not hurt.

~Generally, her teeth do not touch my nipples unless she is latched improperly or she is teething and has not adjusted her suck to the new tooth yet.

~No, it doesn't feel weird. Neither physically nor psychologically.

~Actually, it feels good.

~No, not in a weird kind of way. In a good kind of way.

~No, am not concerned about about her independence in the least. I believe that allowing someone to choose for themselves is the best way to foster independence, period.

~I am, literally, her human pacifier.

Which brings me to a very important point...

What makes us think that just because we wean an infant, we are fostering independence? Because that's what all this really boils down to, right? Independence. We as a country are obsessed with it. We are obsessed with having it ourselves and we are obsessed with implementing it on our children. We have this delusion that if we don't cultivate it ourselves, it won't happen.

Just because you take away the thing that the child is reliant upon to fulfill it's need does not make the need go away. The need goes away first, then the action stops on it's own. By taking away the action before the need is fully met, we are pushing our children to fulfill their attachment needs elsewhere.

This can be very dangerous.

To me, this is one of the biggest reason why I will continue to nurse my toddler.

Among others of course...keeping an immature immune system healthy, protecting myself from breast cancer, etc. etc. But that's a whole other blog entry.

I think the biggest, most dangerous assumption that we make about toddler nursing, and the reason why most American women shy away form it, is because we falsely believe that continuing to nurse our toddler will stunt them from maturing and moving onto the next stage of their childhood.

But this is so far from the truth. Here is a really good example...

I just put Dakota down to bed. She nursed for a while, like usual, then she pulled away and started to fuss a bit and wiggle around as I held her in my arms. So I got up, laid her in her crib, she turned onto her stomach and went to sleep as I gently rubbed her back.

She's been swinging back and forth between this and nursing to sleep for the last few months now. For a few weeks, she'll fall asleep nursing. Then for a few weeks she'll fall asleep on her own. Back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. But every time, her falling asleep on her own phases last a little bit longer.

Natural weaning is an extremely gradual process.

But each time she takes that next step forward, I am gently behind her, supporting her decision. I'm not making the decision for her. But I do guide her. When I see that she's acting ready for the next step, like wiggling and fussing in my arms, I nudge her in the right direction. But I always allow her to signal me when she's ready.

And that's true independence. Unforced, un-manipulated, personal decision making.